Photographer's notes: taken at 1/125 of a second, at f 4.5, ISO 100, manual focus, on Av mode.
A few months ago I took some photos and it was such a remarkable experience I just had to write about it. It was not remarkable because the light was so amazing I had to take a photo, or a rare bird was at the window or something. No, it was just because for the previous 6 almost 7 months the only photos I had taken had been so documentary they are not even worth sharing, or I was not the one with the copyright. I always have a long list of excuses and explanations as to why I haven’t been photographing, but they are not really worth listing. I am not trying to say they are invalid, but the lesson I have learned and am about to share with you is more important. I want to talk about fear.
This is a strange fear that I have experienced a lot, and it’s the reason I rarely stick to one medium or activity, and I may be alone in this so please speak up if you know what I’m talking about. This fear is what stops me from doing anything creative for very long periods of time, and there isn’t really a cure for it. I could say, well I need the structure of a classroom to feel free to experiment, or when it starts to feel like work I lose interest. These things may be true but the real issue is the fear, let’s face it, it is scary to make something, or create something. I’ve told myself countless times, don’t be afraid, it’s just a button, push it, no one has to see it, it’s easy to delete, you never know until you try, but to no avail. There has to be something else that pushes me out the door to try something new. This shoot was the result of thinking of the amazing photographs I could get from an upcoming birthday party. Then I thought of the images that I would probably get, based on past experiences, and other influences. But this time, the potential side of things won out and I thought, but what if they were great? You can’t know until you know, you know? Every image I’ve taken that was any good was a surprise. I just didn’t know, but the only certainty is that you will not get any good images if you don’t take any.
I’ve heard tons of artist, fashion designers, photographers, drawers, painters, dancers, asked ‘what inspires you?” and non of them have given a one word answer, they say anything from light, music, magazines, vegetables, clothes, and many more things in any combination. It would almost be better to ask them what doesn’t inspire them. This I can relate to, so why ever stop? Why ever stop creating when it seems like every time you turn around there is something inspiring to see, feel, touch, hear, or taste! It’s this ridiculous fear. Fear of criticism, fear of failure, and fear of not living up to you own standards, or worse an inexplicable fear with no reason at all. It is like all fear, one that builds on itself, we can be crippled by it, engulfed by it, wrapped up in it, and even comfortable in it.
Now, I know I might not be the first person to realize this, and won’t be the last, and I know that this realization does not mean that I won’t ever again go for long periods of time without creating. I can’t tell you that today’s lesson is to not let this fear trap you, or that you shouldn’t be afraid. I will just say this: you are not alone, you have it in you to get past it, and it will not last forever.
The above image is not fantastic, it’s not even the best image I’ve made, but I made it. I feel privileged and amazed that it was possible for me to make it, and share it with you.
-Teresa
I have heard fear described as the "fight or flight" response. Perhaps we need fear in order to fly? And maybe the hesitance we feel is that we don't want to fight? I try to think of fear as part of the naturalness of who we are. Not good or bad but what we may need in the moment is provided. Amazing. Anyway, I enjoyed your musings about it.
Posted by: wansa | 09/05/2012 at 12:45 AM
Really like the blog, appreciate the share!
Posted by: wansa | 09/05/2012 at 12:43 AM
Oops, sorry, that looked like it didn't land and so I redid it. Now there are 2...
Posted by: Maddi | 08/27/2011 at 05:54 PM
I have heard fear described as the "fight or flight" response. Perhaps we need fear in order to fly? And maybe the hesitance we feel is that we don't want to fight? I try to think of fear as part of the naturalness of who we are. Not good or bad but what we may need in the moment is provided. Amazing. Anyway, I enjoyed your musings about it.
Posted by: Maddi | 08/27/2011 at 05:53 PM
I have heard that fear is a "fight or flight" response. So perhaps one could say fear is necessary if we want to fly. Maybe the hesitance is we don't want to have to "fight"? I experience fear as well, and try to see it as a useful and valuable response to life in the moment. Not bad or good, but part of what makes us who we are. I really enjoyed reading your musings about it.
Posted by: Maddi | 08/27/2011 at 05:49 PM
Thank you Marshall! and thank you for the book suggestions, I always need more for my reading list! please feel free to suggest more!
Posted by: Teresa | 08/25/2011 at 04:16 PM
Teresa: Great post. I experience this kind of fear frequently. I believe many others do as well. I think you are right that there is no "cure". But I do think that it can be overcome (at least most of the time).
May I suggest some reading that I found very helpful? Two books that I have found very insightful are "The War of Art" and "Do The Work", both by Steven Pressfield. They need to be read in that order to get full benefit. They are short and to the point.
Hope all is well with you.
Again, great post.
Marshall
Posted by: Marshall | 08/25/2011 at 02:08 PM